I Think I F*cked Up....

I think I fucked up. I quit a corporate job at Ralph Lauren I hated, gave up an apartment I loved because my lease was up, sold my car and put all of my shit in storage in order to make my big move to Florida. That was in September. Florida didn't work out quite the way I had imagined. My swimsuit website (www.SweetToti.bigcartel.com) is doing alright but I'm not the multi thousandaire (is that a word ?) that I had planned on being. I was supposed to be 20 lbs lighter, 2 shades darker and sipping frozen tangerine margaritas on South Beach while I filled swimsuit orders and iMessaged my boyfriend from my iPad. 

I really think I fucked up. 

In reality I'm depleting my savings and searching for a new overpriced apt in cold ass Brooklyn. Its 31 degrees as I write this. The only tan I have is from my MAC NC50 Studio powder foundation.  I have to re enter the work force and go thru interviews to work with pretentious bitches and spend $60 a week on french vanilla coffee in the morning and expensive salads for lunch. I will probably have to remain in the fashion industry because the ends of my hair are Superman blue and I have 15 tattoos.  I refuse to kill my soul with long sleeved blouses, wide legged business pants and uni color hair. Fuck that. 

I suppose that I should hold off on buying a car right now. I could use that money to get new boobs and a new ass. I could be an exotic dancer for 2 months and save every penny. Then I can move to Florida and dance at King of Diamonds in Miami. My stage name would be 'Brooklyn' or 'New Yawk' to represent my home town. I'd always wear a Brooklyn Nets fitted and a bikini from my swimsuit line while I performed. Cheapest and most clever way to advertise. After 3 years of dancing, I should be able to retire and concentrate on my business.

That sounds about right. 

Maybe I didn't fuck up as badly as I thought. 

Maybe looking like a black version of Kim Kardashian is my destiny. They say sometimes your plans don't work out because God has better ones. Maybe this was my path all along. Don't judge me.