I don't like being an independent woman. This shit is for the birds.
I'll sing the shit out of the Destiny's Child song when it pops up on Pandora but I damn sure ain't about that life because I don't want to be. When I complain about the single life don't insult me by calling me a "strong, (Black) woman" either. This is just a bullshit phrase to pacify the fact that so many of us smart, level headed, good women are not in healthy, committed relationships.
People are not meant to be alone. Male or female. "A life without love, is no life at all".
I often compare myself now to my mother when she was my age. By 31 her and my father had already been married for 4 years. I'm already 4 years behind. I know it's illogical to think that way. God's plan for her and for me are clearly different but it would have been nice to have a somewhat similar blueprint. For the most part, my parents have roots and family on the same island but never met until they both came to America. My mother left her country and moved to Canada when she turned 21. My father had come to America a few years earlier. He was a police officer that got set up on a blind date with my mother. The rest is history.
It would be nice to have someone that I could surrender my power to at times when I need to recharge. It's draining to be mentally, physically and emotionally durable 24 - 7. It would be nice to have a role other than every role as the head of my household. It would be nice to have 2 incomes. It would be nice to have someone else be the protector in my home. Instead the burden is that of my 9mm and my 12 year old son. It's unfair that I've placed my son in a situation that my sisters and I never knew of. We had and still have both parents. Daddy bought the food and Mommy cooked it. If Mommy said "yes" but Daddy said "no" that meant the answer was "no". Daddy taught us how to defend ourselves and Mommy taught us how to nurture. They both taught us how to love and respect ourselves and others.
We independent women are a new breed. We have not made the right choices. We are independent because we have to be. We can change that once we accept the fact that women should have leadership, protection and companionship from the right man.
I am level headed and despite my past am not jaded to the fact that I am closed off to accepting the right man into my life. I do, however move with emotional intelligence. I strive for my heart and mind to be balanced which I'm sure is the reason as to why I have not yet been connected to the right person.*sings* I don't deserve thissssss liiiife - I'd make the perfecttttt wiiiife...
I do not need to be saved like some of these hoes out here nor do I need to be totally dependent on a man. I want to be blessed with a healthy union which in my eyes is one of mutual dependence and respect. I have yet to meet a man that is worthy of the role. I have not made the right choices. I can not beat myself up over it but I can take responsibility for it. I can ensure that I no longer give weak ass niggas that are not ready for a leadership role into my space, heart or vagina.
