I don't like being an independent woman. This shit is for the birds.
I'll sing the shit out of the Destiny's Child song when it pops up on Pandora but I damn sure ain't about that life because I don't want to be. When I complain about the single life don't insult me by calling me a "strong, (Black) woman" either. This is just a bullshit phrase to pacify the fact that so many of us smart, level headed, good women are not in healthy, committed relationships.
People are not meant to be alone. Male or female. "A life without love, is no life at all".
I often compare myself now to my mother when she was my age. By 31 her and my father had already been married for 4 years. I'm already 4 years behind. I know it's illogical to think that way. God's plan for her and for me are clearly different but it would have been nice to have a somewhat similar blueprint. For the most part, my parents have roots and family on the same island but never met until they both came to America. My mother left her country and moved to Canada when she turned 21. My father had come to America a few years earlier. He was a police officer that got set up on a blind date with my mother. The rest is history.
It would be nice to have someone that I could surrender my power to at times when I need to recharge. It's draining to be mentally, physically and emotionally durable 24 - 7. It would be nice to have a role other than every role as the head of my household. It would be nice to have 2 incomes. It would be nice to have someone else be the protector in my home. Instead the burden is that of my 9mm and my 12 year old son. It's unfair that I've placed my son in a situation that my sisters and I never knew of. We had and still have both parents. Daddy bought the food and Mommy cooked it. If Mommy said "yes" but Daddy said "no" that meant the answer was "no". Daddy taught us how to defend ourselves and Mommy taught us how to nurture. They both taught us how to love and respect ourselves and others.
We independent women are a new breed. We have not made the right choices. We are independent because we have to be. We can change that once we accept the fact that women should have leadership, protection and companionship from the right man.
I am level headed and despite my past am not jaded to the fact that I am closed off to accepting the right man into my life. I do, however move with emotional intelligence. I strive for my heart and mind to be balanced which I'm sure is the reason as to why I have not yet been connected to the right person.*sings* I don't deserve thissssss liiiife - I'd make the perfecttttt wiiiife...
I do not need to be saved like some of these hoes out here nor do I need to be totally dependent on a man. I want to be blessed with a healthy union which in my eyes is one of mutual dependence and respect. I have yet to meet a man that is worthy of the role. I have not made the right choices. I can not beat myself up over it but I can take responsibility for it. I can ensure that I no longer give weak ass niggas that are not ready for a leadership role into my space, heart or vagina.
I totally agree with everything you said. Who wants to be a strong woman all the time. A woman should be comfortable being weak and vulnerable at times, knowing that her man (husband) will protect her and be strong when she is weak. I am a great woman, too. Why am I still single? Where are all the good men that want good women? Doing it by yourself, is not a good feeling. Everyone should have someone to be with that makes them feel complete. Women are a part of man, their rib. Maybe that's why we long for companionship. I also compare others marital status to mine, wondering why them and not me. My parents are married, too. I'm just waiting my turn. I pray the Lord Bless us both with the right man. Garbage seems to come my way, but I deserve so much more. I have all the qualtities a man should ever want. God, please Bless me, hopefully soon.
ReplyDeleteWhy am I not good enough for you!
ReplyDeleteI see what I believe to be the perfect women for me. Do you know her, you may ask. Not really, but I read her bio and it compliments what I believe and stand for. I possess the qualities she’ looking for in a man and I love faithfully. Furthermore, I watch her; I agree with her character and adore her personality. She have children, I considered that, I welcome that because it only adds personality to the relationship. Furthermore, I’m designed to love everything about you and from you. If only I can get to know more about you. To know things about you that only comes with committed time of togetherness. The time one gives when they say, I will get to know you through letting you know me.
I’m the perfect man for the solicitation she put out. I bring her wanted to her attention and let her know I am applying for the position. She vainly looks me and I feel inadequate. As if my credential are overlooked. She looks at the me standing there but refuses to see me. Tell me why of this? I go away in shame but I rejoice victoriously knowing her character at this moment is flawed and I escaped heartbreak.
The sad thing is I still feel for her, almost love her as it feels. Her vanity will choose another with vague qualities that she need to supplement her and she will suffer pain as a result. Even though I suffered pain at her vanity I do not desire that for her and I pray that God will overlook her fault and see her need.
Now she asking where is my good man at. He left because you turned him away for Mr. Wrong. He’s given to another and you know have to wait for another. Here another knocks on your door who is over qualified for your position, what will you do? ™Flavor!